Hallmark is apparently on vacation, as it’s officially Make Your Own Holiday Day, which means we’re all bestowed the power of the holiday card-makers to create our own special day devoted to whatever the hell we want. And that’s quite an order to fill!

If you’re on the verge of an aneurysm trying to choose something special to celebrate today, back away from the search engine and have a seat. As experts of finding celebrations in everything, The Screaming O has six simple steps for making your own holiday fun, easy and a little sexy.

1. Sit in a comfortable chair.
2. Turn down the lights and up the music. Be wary of neighbors and/or roommates.
3. Remove any clothing that may impede on accessing your nether regions. (You get where we’re going with this, right?)
4. Pick your favorite Screaming O mini vibe. Now if this as daunting a task as selecting a holiday to celebrate, just grab our classic silver Bullet and call it a day.
5. Do your thang until you can’t do it anymore.
6. Breathe in, breathe out and choose your holiday. Boom, easy as a Screaming O-face!

See? Not only did we make it simple, we also added a little spring to your step. You’re welcome.

So what did you choose? We’re thinking about something along the lines of “National Do It All Day Long Day” but we’re a little biased.