There are a lot of factors that come into play when it comes to sex, and the first step is wanting it in the first place. But arousal and sexual desire are affected considerably by so many things: stress, hormones, emotions, time/place, fatigue…you get the idea. And while some men find it easy to break through those unsexy barriers to get it on, women have to work a lot harder to muck through the life-gunk to get their heads in the game.

Many men need only minutes to get hard and ready to go, while women can take up to 20 minutes (or longer depending on the day!) But you can help! Here are some quick tips for helping your lover get on your libido level and ready for some satisfying sex.

1. Make (and Take) It Easy

Women have a lot on their plates each day and often have to juggle multiple hassles at once just to make it home by 6 p.m. That can include work deadlines, kids (if applicable), pets (also if applicable), errands, doctor’s appointments, gym time, b.s. with the boss, rush hour traffic – and the to-do list doesn’t end when she walks in the door. All of these tasks take up valuable brain space, causing frustrating distraction from what she likely would rather be doing (i.e. having sex with you). So surprise her with three of the sexiest words a man can say:

“I got this.”

Pick up her dry cleaning. Deal with the grocery list. Clean the bathroom. Feed the baby. Whatever the task, she’ll feel loved and supported knowing that you thought ahead to handle stuff so she doesn’t have to. And that sense of relief may help make it easier for her to relax and get in the mood for something more than Netflix in bed.

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a “do the dishes, get a BJ” type of reward system. Helping your partner is a thoughtful expression of love and should be done without expectation. Even the slightest sense of sexual entitlement may turn her off (rightfully so), so keep your intentions genuine, please.

2. Think About Her (and Tell Her So)

Women love to know that their partners are thinking of them, sexually or otherwise. But many men make the mistake of taking this expression too far (ex. dick pic during lunch break) and inadvertently ruin the moment. The sentiment is genuine, we’re sure, but sadly lost in the crassness of sending cellphone porn during work hours. So tone down the message!

Tell her you love her. Tell her you’re thinking about that time she did that thing that made your toes curl. Tell her you can’t wait to see her later. Tell her you want to rub her shoulders before bed. Get creative but try to avoid the gutter.

There’s something special about knowing that you’re on your partner’s mind and it isn’t necessarily because he’s horny and wants to get laid. It can inspire that giggle she might have made during the glorious honeymoon phase and might even inspire a fun response that could lead to the kind of back-and-forth text flirting you used to do in high school. Flirting is one of the first steps toward foreplay…and we all know what can happen from there!

3. Find a Sex Toy Made for Her Pleasure

Many people (women included) don’t know that most women need a little extra sumthin’ to reach orgasm while having sex. And while orgasm doesn’t have to be the ultimate goal, it’s always fun to try new and exciting ways to try to get there faster and easier. That’s where sex toys come in.

Sex toys come in all shapes, sizes, colors…you name it, but for this kind of pleasure we recommend shopping for something small and easy to use. (Especially if it’s her first sex toy.) Look for terms like “mini vibe,” “mini massager,” “bullet,” “clitoral vibe,” and “clit vibe” to find styles that are small, easy to hold, and perfect for stimulating her clitoris while you both get down. And if you know her favorite color or anything else that might help personalize her new vibe, definitely keep it in mind before making the final purchase.

The beauty of this kind of gift is that she can enjoy her new vibrator with you AND when she needs some private relaxation time. The more she masturbates and gets to know her body (and what she likes to do to it) the better your sex life will get. And knowing that you care enough about her pleasure to buy her a special sex toy might warm her heart enough to want to break it in the minute she opens the box. With your help, of course!

'Ladies' help these fellas out and comment on what gets you in the mood.