V-Day is a week away and we’re well underway with our romantic gift guide, a selection of sexy gift ideas that Hallmark could only dream of. So far we’ve recommended trading flowers in for a Big O vibrating ring and skipping the beach blanket date for getting wet with a waterproof O Wow Double Wammy. Both are stupendous ideas, if we do say so ourselves, but we’ve only just gotten started.

Today’s suggestion inspires you to trade in edibles for touchables.

Gift Exchange #3: Boxes of Chocolates

Russell Stover and those Hershey’s guys clearly have stock in Cupid’s big day. Entire aisles at pharmacies and department stores overflow with pink and red heart-shaped boxes stuffed with morsels of the gooey sweet stuff. And while chocolate is considered an aphrodisiac, taking a bite out of 25 pieces desperately searching for the cherry cordial probably isn’t what Aphrodite had in mind.

Your fingers are sticky. Your teeth hurt. Your stomach probably does, too. Wanna have sex? Probably not. And besides, why bother eating so many calories when you can burn them in the bedroom?

And that’s where The Screaming O Soft-Touch Bullets come in. Like fun pieces of carnal candy, these compact mini vibes pack serious power (three speeds plus a pulse function) in a tiny shape and make it impossible NOT to want to touch yourself – and your partner. They’re portable and easy to use while doing the deed or simply during flirty foreplay, and each one comes in a seductive jewel tone that’s simply more sophisticated than your average silver bullet. Plus, they have a soft and smooth coating that glides across your skin like silk.

Experts say sex burns about 5 calories per minute – imagine how much “sexercise” you can get with a Soft-Touch Bullet!